Invisibly Grace

Grace Turing sticks out from the crowd. She’s obsessed with random trivia, loves making art and birdwatching—and she has an atypical, undiagnosed autoimmune disease that makes her joints weak and gives her chronic pain. At her old school, everyone knew. Now that Grace and her family have moved to Tasmania, Grace has resolved not to tell any of her new classmates about her illness—she’s tired of being “Sick Girl”, and wants her invisible illness to stay invisible. She makes is befriended by Daniel (the only other kid in her class who isn’t white, who fast introduces her to Die Hard) and Jenna (who seems to have some kind of history with Daniel), but as much as she tries to conceal what she’s going through, it gets harder as time passes. 

Grace sees a new doctor with her father, and it seems that he doesn’t initially believe her—he thinks the symptoms are all in her head, just like her mother does. Luckily, Grace knows how to advocate for herself (she’s had a lot of practice) and her dad is on her side. 

Grace gets prescriptions for antidepressants and anti-anxiety medication, which should help with the neurological component of her pain. Her pain feels so much easier to manage that she ignores the side effects. She’s having memory problems and is always tired and foggy, and her dad is worried, but her mum thinks that since the medications are working then they should wait and see if the side-effects settle down. But eventually it becomes too much, and Grace switches medications. The pain comes back, but her mind comes with it. 

A random attack of intense pain at school means that Jenna and Daniel find out about the sickness. They visit Grace in the hospital, and she finally explains what’s going on. Daniel is supportive, but the reveal drives a wedge between Grace and Jenna. It takes a while for Jenna to apologise, but they manage to mend their friendship. 

The new medication she’s on causes tremors—which makes it hard for her to make art. Her quality of life is decreasing to the point where she considers suicide multiple times a week, and a class discussion on euthanasia drives a wedge between her and Daniel—Grace is pro-euthanasia, but Daniel views it as suicide. Since his mother is bipolar, he’s particularly sensitive to low mood. 

Trying to assert some more control over her body, Grace starts pushing herself harder than ever. She fights for the right to go to the movies with Daniel and Jenna, and refuses to stay off the court as the rest of her PE class plays dodgeball. But someone pushes her over, ending in a dislocated knee, a sprained ankle, and a wound on her arm. The tests they run indicate that she may have a connective tissue disorder, which is the closest she’s ever gotten to a diagnosis. 

There’s something between her and Daniel, but Grace won’t let it develop. She doesn’t want anyone to be stuck in a relationship with her. Daniel lets people gossip about them, entertained by the rumours that they’re dating, but they both know he’d date Grace in a heartbeat. They develop a strange language of weird facts and grow closer and closer, until eventually Grace relents and decides that he’s worth it—the only thing that’s guaranteed is today, and she wants to spend today with him. 

Grace manages to convince her father and the faculty to let her go on school camp. She may not have explicitly told her classmates about her illness, but they’re starting to put the pieces together—enough that some of them are talking behind her back. Their behaviour worsens, until finally, Jenna and Grace take the opportunity of the talent contest to explain to everyone in the hopes that it will control the narrative. To her surprise, most of her classmates are supportive. By the time she goes home, she knows she’s surrounded by people who care. The only thing she has to worry about is the future, but she’s ready for whatever it will bring. 

A touching, dryly funny, and eye-opening look into the realities of chronic illness. It’s heartbreaking that Grace has to advocate for herself so fiercely in order to get the treatment she needs, but her resilience is still inspiring. Grace just wants to be allowed to make decisions for herself—all she’s asking for is respect. 

chronic illness, autoimmune disease, mental health, suicidal ideation, self-esteem, truth, lies, trust, new friendships, move, Tasmania, new school, romance

1. Language: shit x 101, f*ck x 25, bitch x 43, bastard x 2, dick x 16, bloody x 2,  “piss off” x 5, “Christ” x 21. 2. “Slut shaming is so 2001” (Chapter 14). Jenna is bisexual (Chapter 12). Daniel and Grace kiss sometimes if they can find a hiding spot at school, but it never goes any further (Chapter 16-17). Rumours that Grace is a lesbian because she turned Liam down. 3. Discussion of euthanasia, suicide and assisted dying in class hits close to home for Grace. It’s clear that she’s pro-euthanasia, as she sympathises deeply with people who are suffering so badly they feel like they can’t continue. The discussion brings up her own suicidal ideation.