The Ministry of SUITS


Publication Date: 1 Sep. 2016
Format: Paperback / softback

ISBN 9781910411544

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    Some people are born to work in the Ministry, and 12-year-old Jack is one of those people. Endlessly curious, perhaps to a level that might be called nosy, Jack finds himself and his frenemy Trudy as the Ministry's newest recruits. And their first mission? To find out where all the school oddbods are disappearing to"¦

    Information

    Book Type: Junior High
    Age Group: 12 years +
    Traffic Lights: Amber
    Class Novel: No
    Good Reads Rating: 4.5/5
    Literary Rating: 4.5/5

    Review

    Jack, a curious boy prone to asking too many questions, has his life turned upside-down when he encounters a bear on the way to school one day. While everyone else is hiding in their cars, Jack sees that the bear is attacking a man in a suit. He has the idea to pick up a chair from a nearby café and threaten the bear with it, like in the circus -- an unorthodox strategy which is 100% effective. As a result, the man in the suit introduces himself to Jack as Grey, an operative for the Ministry of SUITs, and says that Jack is exactly the kind of boy his organisation employs.

    Meanwhile, the shadowy Chapeau Noir Enterprises has outfitted Jack's school with polyester uniforms, polyester carpets, a wind turbine to power the school, and a demountable full of strange equipment. For what sinister purpose, no-one knows. But Jack has come to a horrifying realisation: the spare gym kit is too weird to have come from any of the kids at the school -- meaning that there must have been other, weirder kids at the school at one point, who have mysteriously disappeared -- or been taken. In an effort to save his best friend David, the oddest kid in the school and therefore the logical next target, Jack joins the Ministry of SUITs. There, he must partner up with Moody Trudy: the aggressive gym champion who everyone at school avoids.

    Jack and Trudy must face down pirates, dinosaurs, taxidermy, collapsing rugby pitches, and murderous grandmothers in their quest to save David. They discover that the descendants of famous pirates have been kidnapping the weird kids to use them in underground mining work: they're trying to break Northern Ireland away from Southern Ireland so that they can sail it around the globe like a pirate ship. Luckily Jack and Trudy save the day by destroying the machinery they were using to do it -- powered by the turbine and the static from the polyester.

    This hilarious book is almost impossible to predict -- but all the various plot threads are tied up neatly by the end. Excerpts from Ministry case files add goofy context to the bizarre situations Jack finds himself in, answering questions only the most curious have ever asked: why do ninjas wear black? Who invented the first ineffective modern parachute? And why are squids always squinting? This book will have you rolling on the edge of your seat, and looking at the world in a different, more curious light.

    Themes

    action, adventure, pirates, friendship, plots, secret organisations, humour

    Content Notes

    1. Cryptids and supernatural creatures appear throughout, but magic and other fantasy elements do not appear. Tooth fairy (p. 66, 71, 192). Mention that the Ministry of SUITs deals with zombies and vampires (p. 67). Mention of undead beings (p. 71). Lady Takabuti, a 2,000-year-old mummy, is the museum's night-watchman (p. 129). Joke about talking corpses (p. 279). Mention of the witch in the Rapunzel fairytale (not real) (p. 275). Cthulhu - works in the filing branch (p. 74) - turns Jack green, but stops when he's asked (p. 75). Mention of "Dark Dimension" (p. 76). Man-animal hybrids created by a mad scientist (p. 165-177). Were-creatures (p. 185). Throughout, Jack uses the "Speed" -- essentially, making a bubble of slow time around you so that you're moving faster than everything else, by thinking about things that make you sad -- this is because time goes quicker when you're having fun, but slower when you're not. 3. Violence: Grey was "covered in bloodstains" (p. 15). Mention that a boy from Jack's class died of liver failure (p. 45). Mention that the kids recruited by the Ministry have a high fatality rate (p. 69). Jack meets a teddy bear who kills people; he has blood on his paws and is carrying an unidentified organ (p. 77). Mention that unicorns kill bunnies and impale them on their horns (p. 89). Blood (p. 77). Polar bear attacks and kills man-animal hybrids (p. 177). Jack is knocked unconscious (p. 217). David says the pirates threatened to saw off his hand and foot off as part of pirate "initiation" (p. 226). Jack remembers his grandfather's funeral (p. 285). 3. Mention that sixth-formers kiss behind the bike sheds (p. 208). 4. Alcohol mentioned briefly, i.e. pirates in piratoriums are given a daily supply of grog (p. 4, 201, 226).

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